


Feathers Everywhere

by satan_chicken



Series: Band Oneshots [3]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Illness, M/M, Mental Illness, Mild Angst, Oneshot, Romance, Ryden, Wings, angel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:24:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11370630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satan_chicken/pseuds/satan_chicken
Summary: But it's fine.When Ryan falls, Brendon catches him. But if Brendon falls, there's no-one there.





	Feathers Everywhere

**Author's Note:**

> Title from From A Mountain in The Middle of Cabins by Panic! At The Disco.  
> This song is also a major inspiration to this oneshot.

Brendon’s steps were slow and careful. He could hear Ryan sobbing down the road, sitting on a rock right by the water. Brendon felt his heart twitch at every sound; Ryan hated to cry in front of Brendon and he was trying way too hard to choke it down, and it only made matters worse. Brendon didn’t want him to do that. Ryan could cry if he wanted to, Brendon didn’t mind, but to see him choke it down made Brendon feel like Ryan didn’t trust him enough to even cry around him.

He stopped by the rock and sighed. Ryan didn’t react. He kept his face pressed against his knees, small sobs shaking his body every few seconds. Brendon grimaced at the sight of bones and bits of skin sticking out from Ryan’s back. Most of his feathers had fallen to the ground. Ryan tensed his muscles and froze for a moment, and when his mouth let out another broken sob, some of the few feathers left on his wings fell off.

“Hey”, Brendon said quietly and put his shoes down on the ground as he took the last few steps across the sand to reach Ryan. He kicked at the feathers by his feet and put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Does it hurt?” he asked. The question was pointless. He knew it did. If it wasn’t the wings, the emotional pain alone was probably enough to break Ryan down to tears. At this point Brendon was used to it. Ryan wasn’t. He never would be. Even then, this morning’s events had been especially rough on him.

Brendon brushed a few feathers off Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan flinched at the touch, and a few more fell to the ground. Brendon sighed.

“Come on. It’s fine”, he said softly and brushed his other hand through Ryan’s hair. He knew consoling him never worked. Ryan had to sleep it off, and Brendon would have to deal with him the next day, when his wings would grow back, and Ryan would be too tired and sad to really do anything. Brendon would, at that point, make sure Ryan remembered to eat and drink, and admit he was wrong no matter what had been said last night.

Ryan relaxed slowly, letting his arms and feet fall from around his face and torso. He put his hands between his knees and took a deep breath before he looked up at Brendon. His eyes were red. When Brendon smiled, he looked down again.

“It’s okay. C’mere”, Brendon mumbled and picked Ryan up slowly. He carried him back to the road and put him down slowly, making sure his feet slid into Brendon’s shoes. He didn’t let go even after Ryan took his first few steps, heading back home down the road.

Brendon knew what he had signed up for the moment they had started dating. He hadn’t wanted any more or any less, back then. All the anger, all the frustration, all the tears, everything, he knew what he was getting, and wasn’t going to back away. Because it was _Ryan._ Ryan was like that. And Brendon loved Ryan. Back then, at least.

Small shivers ran through Ryan’s body. “Hurts”, he said quietly, his voice strained and weak. “I know. But we’ll get you home soon, we’re not that far”, Brendon said, trying to sound encouraging and peaceful, and leaned his head on Ryan’s shoulder for a moment. The way Ryan was hunched over himself made him shorter, shorter than even Brendon.

Brendon was tired. But if he was just _tired_ , he could guess that Ryan was _exhausted. Drained._ Brendon didn’t want to complain, since he knew he wasn’t the one suffering the most. It was obvious that Ryan had it so much worse; even if all the pain got unbearable, Brendon could always leave Ryan behind and go somewhere else, find someone else. Ryan couldn’t leave himself. _Or well,_ Brendon thought, _he could._

Brendon shivered at the thought and held Ryan closer to himself. Ryan made a small sound and leaned closer to Brendon as well.

He didn’t want to play the victim, he really didn’t. The small rocks and sticks pushing into the bottoms of his feet hurt, sure, but that was practically nothing when Ryan’s entire body was shaking and his feet wouldn’t carry him. Ryan’s wings had been scattered around the road, only bones and skin and muscles remain, sticking out from his upper back and blood dripping down and staining his shirt. Ryan was barely hanging on, so Brendon held him a little tighter.

“It’s okay. You’ll be okay”, he said quietly and Ryan nodded. “I always am”, Ryan whispered. He sounded disappointed, like he didn’t quite believe his own words. Brendon couldn’t blame him.

Brendon followed a small path off the main road, and the couple soon emerged from the thick forests into an opening their house stood on. Ryan’s feet failed him right as they walked through the yard gates. The path leading up to the front doors was rough gravel, but Brendon didn’t even flinch as he picked Ryan up bridal style and started walking. It wasn’t far anyways. “You could… The shoes”, Ryan said quietly, his voice still torn and quiet. “Nah, it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt”, Brendon lied and let out a breath when they reached the porch. Said porch was in desperate need of new paint, and a few splinters found their way into Brendon’s feet. But still, Ryan was paler than usual (which made him look like a ghost), and Brendon had to do his best not to touch the small remains of wings on his back, as even the slightest contact made Ryan inhale sharply in pain. Yeah, Brendon was _fine._

“Kiss”, Ryan whispered when he was finally upstairs, in bed, getting tucked in by his boyfriend. Brendon smiled and leaned down to kiss Ryan, running a hand through his hair and letting it graze his cheek as he straightened back up. The dried tears had left a few stripes on his cheeks. “You need to eat. I’ll be right back”, Brendon said and got up from the edge of the bed. “I love you”, Ryan said, raising his voice a little towards the end, like he was suggesting it, or maybe he was scared to say it. Brendon blinked. “I love you too”, he said softly. The two smiled at each other quickly before Brendon left the room.

It was much later that evening, after Ryan had eaten and fallen asleep, that Brendon finally went to the bathroom, pulled out the splinters and rocks from the bottoms of his feet, showered, and returned to the bedroom. The sun hadn’t even completely set as it laid sharp orange spotlights on the bed, even when the big windows on the west wall were mostly covered by thick curtains. A small streak of gold had managed to sneak past them and land perfectly across Ryan’s hair, giving it a soft glow. Brendon walked to his boyfriend slowly, without a sound, and let his fingertips touch a few of the hair strands painted golden by the sun. He sighed. Ryan’s eyes were still sunken, he still looked tired, but at least now that he was asleep, his brows weren’t furrowed and his lips hadn’t curved into a frown. He looked beaten. But Brendon knew he would get better. He sighed and walked across the room, slowly pulling the curtains closed, watching as the small halo of light slipped off Ryan’s hair.

“We’ll be okay”, he mumbled against Ryan’s neck as he had finally managed to wrap himself around Ryan’s small body without crushing his already broken wings. A few small feathers were already pushing through, white, fluffy tips breaking the skin. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave Kudos or a comment if you liked it, they are very much appreciated! ♥


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